Andy Dick Arrested for Sexual Abuse

At least this mug shot isn't as creepy as the last one.

Perpetually troubled funnyman Andy Dick was arrested in West Virginia Saturday morning on two felony charges of first-degree sexual abuse, the Huntington Police Department confirms to E! News.

Police are keeping the details under wraps, due to the ongoing investigation, but the comedian is expected to be arraigned early this afternoon. Dick is in West Virgina for six scheduled performances throughout the weekend at the Funny Bone Comedy Club, and according to a club rep, Saturday night's show will go on.

"He had two shows last night and dominated, he was on fire," Funny Bone manager Tom Schaefer tells E! News. "The best I've ever seen him."

Dick was reportedly celebrating his sobriety early Friday, but a source who was with the actor throughout the day says that by the end of the night, the former Celebrity Rehab castoff had fallen off the wagon.

Officers responded to a call at Rum Runners nightclub, where two victims, a bartender and clubgoer, as well as several witnesses, alleged Dick "engaged in unwanted, and uninvited groping of the two victims genital areas," according to a statement from the Huntington PD.

Dick's newest legal woes come while he's on probation for a similar crime, following a 2008 arrest for allegedly exposing himself to and groping a teenage girl.

The actor avoided jail time but was sentenced to three years' probation, a portion of which he needed to wear a SCRAM ankle bracelet to detect any drug and alcohol use.

Conan Thanks NBC, Bids Tonight Farewell

You can't keep a good man down.

Conan O'Brien didn't turn his final hour as host of the Tonight Show into a bitchfest, despite the fact that his finale came "a decade too early."

Instead, the long-limbed funnyman graciously thanked the network he's called home for two decades before he takes its money and runs far, far away from NBC, which let him test-drive the storied franchise but ultimately decided it wanted its old car enthusiast back instead.

"The terms of my settlement say that I can't host another show for seven months," O'Brien reminded his audience Friday. "So next week, look forward to the Andy Richter Show with his sidekick, me!"

There's also Oprah's offer to consider...

Oprah Winfrey is heading to L.A. to interview returning Tonight Show host Jay Leno for her Thursday show, and she has extended an offer to O'Brien to participate as well. (Better yet, put it on pay-per-view and get ready to rumble!) No word yet on whether he has accepted.

That would be something, but for now, we have to make do with the small-screen moments already behind him before another network snatches up the Emmy-winning Harvard grad for the remainder of his career.

And for once—once!—he got to be his own lead-in. NBC, which was one of the many networks broadcasting the Hope for Haiti Now benefit, opted to air an episode of Dateline at 10 p.m., rather than the Jay Leno Show.

Meaning, Conan O'Brien got to sign off on the only night of his hosting career in which he didn't have to follow Jay Leno.

"As I set off for exciting new career opportunities, I just want to make one thing clear to everyone listening out there: I will do nudity," he said during his final monologue.

(And FYI, HBO, when you make a Late Shift-style movie about the second-rockiest Tonight Show transfer in history, O'Brien would like Tilda Swinton to play him.)

He also offered up a few suggestions as to how NBC can put the $50 million studio it built for him barely a year ago to good use, including:

Site of Tiger Woods' 1st Annual Mistress Reunion
Waterpark for Max Weinberg's illegitimate children
Hair and chest oil storage for the Jersey Shore cast
Leave the studio cold and empty and rename it the "World's Largest Metaphor for NBC Programming"
Then it was on to his NBC exit interview, conducted by Steve Carell ("Would you describe your experience at NBC as positive, very positive, or extremely positive?") and a diet cream soda toast with Tom Hanks, who first called Conan "CoCo" seven months ago.

But O'Brien also had some kind words for his now former bosses at NBC, many of whom weren't in any position to wield power over him back when he was a young lad writing for SNL.

"Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we're going to go our separate ways," O'Brien said, his voice growing husky. "But this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible."

Wonder how much he got paid to say that. (We have respectfully chosen to ignore O'Brien's request that we refrain from being cynical.)

It was hard to keep the waterworks off, though, when O'Brien showed a picture of his staff and continued to expound on what hosting the Tonight Show, albeit for such a brief time, meant to him.

"Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium," he said.

"But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting the Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun."

O'Brien spent the last few minutes of his abbreviated Tonight Show run jamming on guitar while a Skynyrd-channeling Will Ferrell took the lead on "Free Bird."

'Cause Conan's free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change.

Reclusive star Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp never leaves his home.

The 'Pirates of the Caribbean' actor hates the attention he receives whenever he leaves the French property he shares with long-term partner Vanessa Paradis and their two children, Lily-Rose, 10, and Jack, seven, so shuts himself away from the "insanity" of modern life.

Johnny - who also owns a private island in the Bahamas - said: "I don't leave the house anymore. If it isn't necessary I don't go anywhere. I stay at home. I'm adamant when it comes to that. I will never get used to it. If you do, you must be insane. I'm thankful for everything, but there's a limit to what a person can endure. I don't know how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can bear that kind of life, because personally it's an issue for me."

The intensely private actor - who only feels truly relaxed when on his island - said his life is so insular, he learns everything from his children.

The 46-year-old actor explained to Germany's Tele 5: "Because I never leave the house I live outside society. But I'm a witness of my children's lives. I see how they're doing at school and how they treat their friends. My kids are a lot smarter than me. When I watch them I learn a lot. I don't think there's anything they could learn from me."

Haiti telethon success

Madonna, Beyonce Knowles and Tom Cruise joined George Clooney in yesterday's (22.01.10) telethon to raise funds for victims of the Haiti earthquake.

The telethon - broadcast from Los Angeles, New York and London - saw more than 140 stars come together to perform and raise funds toaid relief in the Caribbean state, which has been struck by two huge earthquakes in the last two weeks, leaving hundreds of thousands dead.

George said: "This is a tragedy that reaches across all borders, all boundaries. It demands our attention, our help and our compassion.

"The Haitian people need help. They need to know that they are not alone. They need to see that we still care."

While Madonna, Bruce Springsteen, Bono, Coldplay, Rihanna, Sting, Stevie Wonder and Sheryl Crow all performed, addresses were made from ex-US president Bill Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Nicole Kidman and Samuel L. Jackson.

Manning the telephones were some of the biggest stars in Hollywood, including director Stephen Spielberg and actors Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman, Julia Roberts, Mel Gibson, Reese Witherspoon and Penelope Cruz.

The two-hour broadcast collected money via the internet and text message as well as phone donations, and is expected to raise over $150 million.

Mel Gibson's fun fears

Mel Gibson is worried the fun has gone out of his life.

The 54-year-old actor - who has a two-month-old daughter Lucia with girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva - fears his life has got boring as he's grown older because he's tried to get healthy and been forced to stop doing some of hisfavourite things, like smoking.

He said: "I try and eat right but I don't work out much. I quit smoking so that's something in the right direction. I just don't do anything fun anymore. But that's dying, isn't it? You die in stages. You let things go in pieces. It's more than halfway through, right? Life's experiences, whether they be pleasant, unpleasant, torturous or excruciatingly wonderful and blissful, season you somehow and hopefully you learn from them. Isn't that what it's all about?"

Mel has seven children with his estranged wife Robyn Moore, and the eldest, Hannah is aged 29.

However, the actor's amazement at fatherhood hasn't changed over the years.

He explained: "I don't think I'll ever be able to get over the fact that there is a little life there in front of me staring at you with complete innocence and total angelic blamelessness. So we'll see if I can do it better this time.

"I think I'm a lot better because maturity brings things out. I just wish I had that youthful spring again. But it's a trade-off, right?"